Wishing everyone a Happy and Safe Holiday!

Every time I want to feel sorry for myself or I get angry at myself for all the things I “should have” done….she reminds me how lucky and blessed I truly am. The aches in my body are still there and I swear I can still hear the 20 little girls I was responsible for backstage but lord…it was all worth it.

Belle’s recital was wonderful-she never ceases to amaze me with her talent and passion for dance.  She takes to the stage like a fish to water and positively kills it with her dancing! The dress rehearsal on Saturday was long and painful-we had two injuries and countless mishaps but in the end it all came together beautifully. Not only did she have three flawless shows-she also found out she was promoted to the next level in ballet! I’m so proud of her. I have never felt so “stage mommy” like I did this past weekend. I was seriously all over the place, pinning costumes, fixing hair and make up disasters and glue gunning the hell out of hair pieces. It was super exhausting but I can’t imagine not being there for her. At the end of the night, as I rubbed her back, she turned to me and said “Mommy, I love you so much. You always show me how much you love me” ummmm….I just about melted right there and then.

On a totally unrelated note–I always have a hard time during the holiday season and this year wont be easy-it will be the second time I spend Thanksgiving alone and Im not quite sure what I’m going to do. Belle will be with her father and I wont be doing the family dinner thing without her. She is my buffer and without her I feel totally lost at those type of things. Several friends have invited me to join them but I think I’ll stay home and catch up on some much-needed rest.

***This post is waaaaay late..should have been up weeks ago….***

It’s no secret that I am a HUGE Jason Mraz fan-I have been listening to his music for years and when I found out he was going to be in Berkeley, I jumped at the chance to see him live.

I don’t usually splurge on things for myself but the tickets were very reasonably priced and after devoting my summer to planning my cousin’s Quinceanera (which went fabulously!) I really deserved a treat. Since my favorite cousin Sherie spent every weekend helping me with the party stuff I bought her a ticket too. The week before the concert I was so busy and stressed out that I did not even have a chance to be excited about it. On Friday afternoon, I picked Sherie up and off to Berkeley we went. I had never been to a concert at the Greek Theatre so I had no idea what to expect. We found parking and came face to face with a line that was SUPER long-I was not about to wait in that crazy line. I walked up to the front and talked my way right into the show-NO WAITING FOR US!!!

We walked in and got  AWESOME seats!!! The Greek Theatre is a great venue and we quickly settled in for the show. The opening acts were pretty good but nothing compared to the show that Jason put on.  I have been to some really good shows-3rd Row at The Rolling Stones, 5th Row at The Eagles just to name a few but this show was by far the best ever!

It isn’t just that I love his music-for those few hours I was free-free from being anything to anyone. I wasn’t mom or daughter or sister or any of the other roles I constantly juggle-I was just a girl at concert living in that moment-for a few brief hours-life was good!

Here is video from that night-it was so cool-the whole place (ESPECIALLY ME!!!!) was singing along word for word:

My weekend in Orange County was great! The wedding was beautiful and my time with my friends was amazing! We started the fun early in the airport:

and went straight from the airport to the rehearsal dinner. The wedding coordinator at the church put the fear of Jesus in all of us and literally ran through the ceremony in like ten minutes flat-No one had any idea what the heck we were doing! The rehearsal dinner was held at a cute little Italian restaurant in Dana Point and the food was delicious! We headed back to the hotel and had some fun at the bar before heading to bed:

The next day started off bright and early with hair and make up appointments, a quick lunch and off to the wedding we go!

The ceremony was beautiful-the bride looked like a gorgeous princess and her future husband looked at her exactly the way every woman wants to be looked at. The sermon was short but sweet and very touching.  I was honored to witness their vows and be part of such a special day in their lives.

The reception was something straight out of ‘Platinum Weddings”:

Since the bride is of Middle Eastern descent, there was also lots of group dances and veils floating around:

It was an amazing night full of love, laughter and friendship. It was just what I needed to recharge my soul.

It’s all a blur-the last several weeks-they are one big blur that I can’t quite keep track of. There are have been moments of peace- a quiet dinner here, an impromptu breakfast there but mostly it has all flown past me leaving me dizzy in it’s wake.

It seems like just yesterday, I was writing about Belle’s recital and my awesome holiday escape plans and here we are again. In two weeks, she will take the stage again and I, well we all know how proud I will be. Once that is done, I will have to deal with the whole holiday fiasco (and we all remember how much I dislike the holiday’s right?). I don’t have any wonderful escape plans for this year so somehow I will have to figure out a way to give her a great holiday season without losing my sanity. Not an easy task!

 On Friday I leave to Orange County to take part in the wedding of one of my best friends! I am really excited! I had major drama with my dress but my magical tailor Giovanni managed to save the day! My dress looks great and I can not wait to be a part of such a major moment in my friend’s life.  

 On a totally unrelated note-I have been so annoyed with people’s lack of manners and general negativity lately. Geez—whatever happened to the simple things such as saying “thank you” when someone says something nice to you or responding to calls/messages in a timely manner?!?!  OK-enough venting—I’m off to meet one of my fellow bridesmaids to finalize our plans for this weekend!

I love taking all kinds of tests (well except school kind but even then I usually do pretty good!) so when I came across this  personaldna link I had to take it!

Take your PersonalDNA test here for yourself: http://www.personaldna.com/

“How do you do it”-she asked, “If it was me, well….hmmm…I just can’t imagine dealing with it the way you do.”

 How do I do it?  How do I deal with an ex who refuses to grow up and continues to live in a fantasy world where fatherhood is only a part time option at best?

 I just do….I do what needs to be done to ensure that my child has the stability and security that she needs. I am nice to her father (even when I want to smack some sense into him) and I never let on how I really feel about him (pity, more than anything…he has no idea what he is missing out on) It is so much easier said than done but when all you really care about is the well being of your child, you don’t think twice about it.

 I used to be one of those women…you know the kind that sit back and judge other women when they are going through a particularly horrible event. We all do it but women in general tend to be more judgmental than men. We watch someone-a friend, sister, neighbor or even a complete stranger-and think “If that was me I would have__________ (fill in the blank with whatever bad ass thing makes you feel better). The truth is none of us knows how we will react or what we will do when those things actually happen to us. In the moments when your life changes-whether it is by choice or not- all those “I would have” thoughts go flying out the window. You are just another person trying to make it through the storms of life.

 It isn’t easy being nice to someone who has hurt me but I know it is not about me anymore. It is about my daughter-it is about setting an example for her and being a better person. I want her to be proud of me and to know that I always put her first. It would be so much easier to be a bitch and fight back with him but in the end the only one that would lose is her.  I pick and choose my battles with him-there are certain standards I refuse to lower and I will fight him tooth and nail for but I can’t force him to be something he is incapable of. There is a saying “Just because someone does not love you the way you want to be loved does not mean they don’t love you the best way they know how”. That saying has helped me to put his parenting in perspective. He is nowhere near the father he should be but then again-where would he learn this from? He has a horrible father and despite his claims that he would never be like his father-he is EXACTLY the same. He loves her the best way he knows how and whether I like it or not there is nothing I can do about it but deal with it.

 And so I do it…I deal with it every day and move on because in the end that is all I can do.

So apparently I’m like a glutton for punishment or something because despite the fact that I swore up and down that I would  *NOT* be a Room Mom again this year….here I am at 10:00PM  creating email lists, volunteer worksheets and  composing an email to 52 parents begging asking them to work a booth at our school festival.

This will be my fourth time being a room mom so I know my way around this whole deal but OMG some of these moms? ARE EFFING CRAZY!!!!! Apparently someone has forgotten to tell these women about this new concept called “the internet”. Can you believe some of these nutcases could not understand why I would rather send ONE email asking for volunteers instead of making 52 calls?? Or maybe I should do what one suggested and stand with a clipboard in the parking lot and accost/harass parents as they are dropping their kids off in the morning?!?!

Now, I know I am not your typical Catholic school mom (hmmm…what gave it way? My age? The ringless left hand? oh, no…maybe it was the fact that I dont hang around the parking lot talking sh*t about everyone…see I have this thing called a job which for most of them is a distant memory) And I understand that not everyone is all up on the internet 24/7 but geez come on…who the hell wants to make 52 freaking phone calls??? or risk losing a limb in that damn parking lot. Have they seen the way people drive in that parking lot? It’s worse than a NASCAR race up in that place.

So tomorrow, while these crazies start making their calls and stalking the parents in their grade-I will be at my desk responding to emails, updating my Facebook status, catching up with other bloggers on Twitter AND getting my fellow third grade parents organized!

“My life is an experiment in bad decisions”

I had a breakdown on Saturday-I was laying down having my eyebrows shaped when I just lost it. The fat tears just streamed down my face and suddenly everything I had been holding in just came tumbling down. Lucky for me, my aesthetician and I have known each other for years and have grown close through out that time. She quickly finished my brows and held me as I struggled to compose myself.  I didnt need to say a thing-she just knew how bad I was hurting. I was mortified to have broken down like that-Im not a big fan of showing my weak side but in that moment I just couldnt keep it together anymore. She was a God send that day. She didn’t judge, didn’t try to sugarcoat anything or give me the same BS I hear all the time. She rubbed my shoulders, offered me some great advice, and of course made sure that I walked out of her office looking fabulous and not like woman who had just broken down.

I’m slowly working my way of the current storm in my life and I know that I will be fine, that in time I will be fine.  Not now, maybe not anytime soon but in time. And till then I will get by with the love and support of people like her.

It’s Friday and I’m really not in a good place (mentally or emotonally) to write about everything that has been going on. I know that if I start writing it will all sound like crazy rambling and that the tears will start rolling again. So intead of spilling my guts, Im going to share some songs that have put a smile on my face lately.