(Ed. Note: I am ridiculously annoyed today)

 Dear Daughter,

You are the most amazing little person I know. You are smart, beautiful, talented, funny and wise beyond your years-however- you are also starting to drive me batshit crazy. Please stop. I know you are growing up and lord knows this is just the beginning of a whole lotta crazy BUT please tone it down a notch. You are not a teenager yet.

All My Love,

Your Soon to be Institutionalized Mother

 Dear Delinquent Cousin,

You are also contributing to my downward spiral into insanity. STOP IT!!!! Please stop and think about how your actions affect the people who love you most.  You were given a second chance at life-don’t waste it. Get your act together and make your life one worth living.

Love,

Your Cousin Who Always Saves Your Ass

 To: Ridiculously Stupid Person Who Clearly Does NOT Understand Social Norms

You are not under any circumstances allowed to ask me out. Somewhere underneath your stupidity you may be a nice guy or whatever however you clearly need to understand boundaries and how not to cross them.  I was polite but firm the first time you talked to me. I can not guarantee that I will ever be that polite again.

From: The Not So Nice Mom

Dear Fellow 880 Commuters,

I hate most of you. I know I am not a great driver but damn some of you make me look like the Jeff Gordon of 880. Learn to use your damn signal lights.

Regards,

The Girl Who Just Wants To Make it To Work On Time