10.31.08
Over It
Warning: It is 4:50pm and I am so ready to leave for the day and so if this posts is just on incoherent blob of words- blame the exhaustion.
October? I’m so over it…so glad it is almost gone. I will wake up tomorrow and while I will not be thrilled to be getting out of bed at 8AM on a SATURDAY, I will be happy that it is no longer October.
So what I am looking forward to in November? SHOWTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After what seems like an eternity (or like 12 weeks), it will finally be my baby’s dance recital. Now you would think that after having done this two times already I would be able to wait like a normal human being right? WRONG-you all know patience is not something I practice often. I am counting down the days ( true story: I have a calendar on my desk that I cross off every morning with a yellow highlighter…and it must be a yellow highlighter or I will pitch a fit…if you ever doubted my claims of insanity I have just proven you wrong!) until I can sit in the audience (between shows of course, since I am a Dance Mom remember?) and watch my daughter dance.
The child is a joy to watch. Yes, of course I am biased after all I did spend 9 months pregnant and 12 hours in labor with her BUT she is a wonderful dancer. Last year? I lost count of how many people (strangers, people who don’t know her from the next kid) came up to her to congratulate her on her performance.
The next two weeks will be torture. Why? because I will be counting down the minutes till her show. And you lucky people will get to share all that with me. Because I love you all that much!
xoxo
10.30.08
My 2 Cents
I came across this clip on perez hilton’s site and thought it was so cool! No matter where you fall on the political spectrum-get informed and VOTE!!!!
10.29.08
Role Model?
When I think of a Role Model, I think of all the great people in my life who have helped me to be the woman I am today. Until last night, I had never thought of myself as a role model. Apparently I was wrong-there is a young girl out there… she is all of 15 and someone I have know for about 10 years or so who thinks I am a great role model. Shocked? So was I when I heard that. I have never been particularly close to this girl, I have always been friendly and warm to her but we have never had any deep conversations or anything that would make me think I was anything more than just someone she knew.
I have seen her grow from a shy little girl to a rebellious teenager who wears way too much make up and too little clothes (for my taste at least!). She has seen me grow from a teenager to a young mother. She has watched me go through two marriages, a divorce, an annulment, a pregnancy, a birth and now motherhood-all before 30. I thought that those things alone took me out of the running for being a “Role Model”.
I would hear about her progress, her mother’s worries about the people she hung out with, the classes she was skipping and of course the crazy teenage behavior that I am all too familiar with. I figured in time she would get her act together and be OK. I guess she did too because suddenly she started going to class again and toning down the craziness. I was happy to hear that and did not give her much thought until last night.
She had an essay to write-about someone she admires…a role model. And she wrote about ME. She wrote about everything from how I dress to how I raise my daughter. She picked up on little things that in my eyes are hardly accomplishments…my job, my volunteer work with the cancer agency, even purchasing and paying off my car. I was flattered to say the least.
She had no way of knowing how much her words would touch me, would make me smile in a time when I have not been smiling all that much. I wish her all the best in her journey through life and am happy to be a part of that.
10.28.08
In My Life
I have so much to say yet no way to say it without sounding like I’m crazy. So today-I leave you with this song that I love so much.
10.27.08
thought of the day
Love is irrational. The more you love someone, the less sense anything makes-”A New Moon” Stephanie Meyer
It Will All Get Better In Time
I have to believe that…I have to believe that it will ALL get better in time. That there will be a day when I smile and I mean it and when I look around and don’t feel so alone. But for now? I will be content with just making it through the day. With getting up, getting dressed, being a mom and doing all the things I “have to” do. I will look at my daughter and remember that no matter how awful or weak or alone I feel-she needs me. I will do what I have been doing the last seven years of my life-I will be strong.
October is always a very hard month for me. Through out the years I have experienced allot of loss in this one particular month. I though this year would be different but I was wrong. I know this one loss is not a loss really…I gained something very precious from it but it still hurts allot.
10.24.08
Ipod Revelations
Let’s say someone were to try and describe me based on the first 10 songs that came up on my Ipod..what would they say?
1. Let it Rock-Kevin Rudolph–I can not for the life of me stop loving this song..why you ask? Because this is exactly the song I imagine myself dancing to in Vegas-in a short dress, high heels and a drink in my hand and quite possibly on top of a table.
2. I’m Yours-Jason Mraz–Oh…what can I say? I love this song and the boy who sings this song…seriously have you listened to the lyrics? Lovely!!!
3. Regulators-Warren G–Guess what? I know all the lyrics to this song and I absolutely must sing along anytime I hear this song. And really? Who didn’t love this song in 1996?
4. Don’t Speak-No Doubt–This is the song I cried to when my heart was broken for the first time. I was 16 and so crushed that my summer romance came to an end…oh to be 16 again. On the upside? That boy is now one of my best friends ever.
5. California Love-Tupac–I LOVE Tupac…no song list is complete without his songs and this song always brings a smile to my face. Some people out there might even remember the little incident where I kinda sorta maybe had a little too much to drink and kept requesting this song ALL night…or at least that is what they tell me happened.
6. By Your Side-Sade–This song will forever remind me of a very special person who taught me to see myself the way he did. He used to tell me that my smile could light up a room-his words light up my soul. M. R.-I wish you all the best.
7. Cool-Gwen Stefani– I will always think of my daughter’s father when I hear this song. We have been through so much together and Lord knows there are times when I want to smack some sense into him but really? We are cool…we get along enough to make this co-parenting thing work most of the time.
8. Britney Spears-I’m a Slave 4 U–I love old school Britney!! I blame my daughter for this-she got hooked on Britney and of course because my child has exquisite taste-I had to follow suit! Besides her music always gets my ass in gear when I work out.
9. Justify My Love-Madonna– Love it! I am a child of the 80’s/90’s…it is almost a requirement to love Madonna if you grew up in that era and I do!
10. Unchained Melody-The Righteous Brothers–Because I have some masochist tendencies I keep this song on my Ipod. No matter where I am-anytime I hear this song I can feel the tears burning in my eyes. Especially in October. The day I made one of the most painful decisions of my life-this song was playing in the background.
So…What would they say?
10.23.08
A, B, C…
[A is for age:]
28. Which is a great age because I am still in my 20’s but closer to 30 which in a weird way I am looking forward to.
[B is for booze of choice:]
I’m a vodka girl, or to be more specific a Grey Goose Girl
[C is for career:]
Still figuring that out
[D is for your dog's name:]
None! But my daughter named her dog Zero…go figure?
[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
My toothbrush, cell phone, ipod, chapstick, atm card
[F is for favorite song(s) at the moment:]
I’m Your’s-Jason Mraz, Let it Rock-Kevin Rudolph,
[G is for favorite game(s):]
Hmmm…none
[H is for hometown:]
San Jose, CA
[I is for instruments you play:]
None.
[J is for jam or jelly that you like:]
Strawberry.
[K is for kids?]
One amazing, adorable daughter.
[L is for last kiss?]
Delicious
[M is for most admired trait?]
Loyalty.
[N is for name of your crush:]
Ha! Wouldn’t you like to know? He knows who he is!
[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
One-April 2001 to give birth to my daughter
[P is for phobias:]
Earthquakes, loss of control.
[Q is for quotes you like:]
” Someday all will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason”-unknown
[R is for biggest regret:]
”Don’t regret anything because at that point in time it was exactly what you wanted” With that said-I do regret the whole getting married and leaving three months later thing. I should have known better but I didn’t and in the process I hurt someone I really cared about.
[S is for sweets of your choice:]
Anything chocolate, cupcakes.
[T is for time you wake up:]
5:30 AM
[U is for underwear:]
I wear them.
[V is for vegetables you love:]
Carrots, Celery, Broccoli, Corn and Tomatoes
[W is for worst habit:]
Hmm…I think there is someone out there ( Hi Tia!) that would agree-I roll my eyes for everything and anything.
[X is for x-rays you've had:]
Chest, teeth.
[Y is for yummy food you make:]
Here’s a shocker- I can cook! I actually make a great spinach, tomato bacon pasta dish and my made from scratch chocolate cake is to die for!
[Z is for zodiac sign:]
Taurus
A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime
I have received this email several times over the years. I have always liked it but now more than ever it has served as powerful reminder of why people come into our lives.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person..
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a Godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy .
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
10.22.08
Sunday Morning
My Sunday morning routine has taken a dramatic turn this month-I am now attending Mass. Instead of sitting on a wonderfully luxurious massage chair drinking my Starbucks while Lisa does my nails, I am now forced to sit on hard wooden pews and take notes on the Gospel while trying to ignore the loud obnoxious children around me. Not my ideal Sunday morning at all.
I have gone to Mass enough times in my life to have a mild grasp of what is going on but most of it makes no sense to me. I used to just stand up when every one else did and then sit there lost in my own thoughts. I can’t do that anymore-I actually have to pay attention which for someone like me (with my self diagnosed ADD and all…) is no easy feat.
My daughter loves going to Mass. She sits there quietly taking it all in, knowing just what to say and when. There is a certain calmness in her when we are there- a calmness I rarely see in our day to day life. She listens carefully to the Gospel knowing that she will have to write about it in her weekly Religion Notebook. I know she won’t remember it all which is why I diligently takes notes.
It is interesting to listen to her thoughts on the Gospel. I know all too well how perceptive and intelligent she is but even that knowledge did not prepare me for her questions-questions that were not only very thoughtful but also very insightful as to how she processes information and what things stand out to her.
I can’t say that I am ohmygodsuperthrilled about going to Mass for the next 8 months but I am excited to be there with her doing something that means so much to her and getting to know her thoughts in a different way. And maybe learning something about myself along the way.
