A letter I wish I would have read ten years ago………

Dear Me-circa 1998,

Hi–it’s me 10 years later, 10 years wiser. Right now you are getting ready to head out…excited beyond belief that you get to get to spend New Years with the boy you love. You are sure that 1998? 1998 is going to be YOUR year! You have no idea what is in store for you but you are convinced that everything will be fine. Why? Because you are young, in love and so so naive.

I wish I could tell you that Yes!!! You were SO right! 1998? That year rocked! Sadly, that is not the case. 1998 changed your life and set you on a course that was the complete opposite of what your life was “supposed” to be. I won’t give it all away–some of it? It actually made you a better, stronger woman. I will however give you a peek into the future:

**The Boy? The one that you are “so in love” with? He will alter your life in ways you never imagined. The foundation that you worked so hard to build will be forever shattered and the aftermath is not pretty. As much as I hate to write this: Don’t Dump Him. He will end up being a part of The Greatest Thing That Ever Happened To You. Just know that with him…. There is no “happily ever after”.

**Trust- If there is one thing I wish you could know and really really know? It is to trust your gut. You will make some incredibly dumb choices if you don’t. If something feels “wrong” IT IS!!! Stop second guessing yourself…sometimes you just know. Also, Trust? It is a huge word–please, please be careful who you trust with your life and emotions. Those girls? Your Best Friends Ever?? Yeah, those girls will both end up hurting you and becoming nothing more than pieces of your past.

**Decisions-That decision that you rationalized with “But I’m the captain of the cheer leading squad and the editor of the yearbook!” That decision? It will haunt you forever…I am sure it already does. There is no magic cure. Not time, not tears. The pain will always be there. You will go months without thinking about it and then suddenly something–a sound, a smell, a song-will set you off. The only advice I can give you is to learn to live with it.

**Letting Go- That anger, that bitterness, that sense of entitlement? LET IT GO. It will not help you at all. You can not change the past and and the past does not define you. You know that but you choose to live in your own alternate reality. The sooner you free yourself of the pain, the better off you will be.

**Gratitude-You seriously have no idea how to appreciate all that you have. Yes, your family is a bit dysfunctional but your grandmother? The one that cooks, cleans and cares for you? Appreciate her! Do not let a day go by without telling her how much you love her. One day she will be the only person who keeps you sane. Be thankful for all the blessings in your life no matter how big or small.

Don’t lose hope…it is not all bad. Along the way, you will meet some great people, learn some amazing life lessons and most importantly you will make a decision that will change your world forever. I won’t spoil it for you but just know one day, you will look at your self in the mirror and smile at the woman looking back you. The woman you never thought you would be.

So this year..2008? I am embarking on some major changes and will be writing about it along the way. I am still young, in love ( not what you are thinking!) and maybe still a bit naive (although I much prefer hopeful). I am also much more invested in the roles I play and the effects they have on my life. Having looked back on ten years worth of decisions, I am committed to continuing to improve myself.

So 1998 was not your year…. but 2008? Yes, 2008 will be your year!

Love,
Me